Transcript
Genesis chapter 3, and we want to begin reading at verse 8. Genesis chapter 3 and verse 8.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”
So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”
Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Imagine, if you can, that you're sitting out on your front porch with your spouse on a cool Dallas evening. I realize that there is no such thing as a cool Dallas evening right now. But stretch your imagination just a little bit.
You're sitting out on your front porch, and you're enjoying the cool evening breeze. And suddenly from inside your house comes the sound of a wild crash and shattering glass. That is followed by a deafening silence. No other sound in the house.
So you get up, and you go in. You go into your living room. And there you find that your favorite flower vase has fallen to the floor, broken and cracked. The flowers and these pieces of glass are scattered all around it.
You pause for a moment. You know that your young son or your young daughter is in the house somewhere. But there's not a sound to be heard anywhere.
You engage in a search. And you eventually open the door to the den. And there is your son or your daughter, as the case might be, pretending to be deeply absorbed in the TV program that they are watching. And acting as if nothing out of the ordinary has occurred.
And so you say to them, “What happened to my favorite flower vase?”
And your son or your daughter says, “It fell off the table, and it broke.”
And you say, “Well, how did it break? Were you playing in the living room like I always told you not to do?”
And then your son or your daughter says, “The cat ran into the living room, and I went after it. And I bumped into the table, and the flower vase fell off and broke.”
Now, if I was your son or daughter giving you an answer like this, the reason is your son is a son of Adam. Or your daughter is a daughter of Eve.
And here is the answer you probably will not get: “Mom, Dad, I understood what you told me I shouldn't do. I was running around in the living room, and I bumped into the table, and I knocked the flower vase off, and I broke it.”
If I did not get an answer like that, well that's because from the very earliest years, the children of Adam and Eve are experts at avoiding that long ugly word. Which is spelled R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y -- responsibility.
From earliest years they know how to avoid responsibility. And what happens when we grow up? Do we give up our childish practice? No, we don't. We're better at it than ever. Because now we've had all these years of experience and practice. And even as the grown up children of Adam and Eve, we avoid responsibility whenever we can.
And that leads me to say this. One of the greatest problems that can occur in marriage is marriage partners who avoid responsibility. Or, to put it another way, marriage partners who play hide and seek.
Maybe you noticed in the passage that we read a few minutes ago, which is really very familiar to us, that on the very day that the first married couple made the first mistake in human history -- it could arguably be called the worst mistake in human history -- on that very day, before the day was over, they were playing hide and seek. They were hiding and God was seeking.
Did you notice that the Bible tells us here that they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the cool of the day in the garden? And Adam and his wife hid themselves. Where? Among the trees of the garden.
Dumb, don't you agree? Dumb, dumb, dumb! I mean, the Person they were hiding from was the Creator of them and the garden. He was the all-wise, the all-seeing, the all-knowing God. And somehow Adam and Eve figure they can hide from Him behind some trees.
The psalmist knew better, didn't he? Remember his words in Psalm 139?
Where shall I go from Thy Spirit? Or where can I hide from Thy Spirit? If I ascend into heaven You are there. If I make my bed in hell, behold You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall hold me and Your right hand shall guide me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will fall on me,’ even the night is like light around me. The darkness will not hide from You, because the night shines as the day. The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
If I took a spaceship and went all the way to Venus and hid behind the vapors that are supposed to be on the planet Venus, even there God would see me. There is no hiding from the Lord God Almighty. And yet the children of Adam try to do it over, and over, and over again.
So there they were, folks, the first man and his wife, hiding from God behind some trees.
You know how it used to go when you played hide and seek as a kid? The seeker gets frustrated, and the seeker says, “Billy, where are you? Cy, where are you?”
Well, it's almost as if the all-knowing God is entering into the little thing that Adam and Eve are trying to play with Him. And He says to Adam, “Where are you? Where are you, Adam?”
So Adam replies, “Here I am, Lord, right behind this pear tree. And, Lord, I'm hiding here because I disobeyed You and ate from the fruit of the tree that You told us not to eat from.”
That's not in our Bibles, is it? Not there at all.
Adam says, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
Stop and think about that for a moment. That is an answer that doesn't explain anything. That is an explanation that explains nothing.
Had he heard the voice of the Lord God in the garden before? Obviously he had, because he recognizes it. But he'd never hidden before. Furthermore, he'd always been naked, and he'd never been afraid of that before.
So Adam's answer to the Lord is a smokescreen. A verbal smokescreen. It's a reason that doesn't give the reason.
And don't you see what Adam has done? He's moved from hiding behind the tree to hiding behind empty words.
Do I need to tell you that all of us who are born-again Christians -- and I'm sure that's everybody at the table with us today -- although we are saved by the grace of God, we maintain our relationship with God, our harmony with God, our fellowship with God, only by accepting our responsibility? Only by accepting our responsibility.
Do you remember the words of the apostle John?
If we say we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and are not doing the truth.
But he also says,
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
What does God want of His children? Well right up front, folks, He wants the willingness to accept responsibility for the things that we have done wrong. And that is something we often fail to do.
Now I can almost hear somebody saying right now, “Well, Zane, I think I already know that. You know, I know that we're supposed to accept our responsibility before God, but I thought you were talking on marriage today. I mean, what does that have to do with marriage?”
Stay tuned. Stay tuned.
And let's go with this verbal smokescreen. And then God says to him, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree which I commanded you not to eat?”
Bingo! Bullseye! Dead Right!
And so Adam says, “You got me, Lord. I admit it. That's exactly what I did. I disobeyed You, and I ate of the tree.”
And again, that's not what he said. What did he say? “The woman -- the woman, the woman -- that You gave to be with me, she gave me of the fruit, and oh, yes, by the way, I ate it.”
Do you see what Adam is doing? He first started by hiding behind a tree. Then he continued by hiding behind his own verbal smokescreen. And now he's hiding behind his spouse.
Now ladies, don't relax here. Ladies are every bit as good at this as men are. Avoiding responsibility by hiding behind your spouse is an equal opportunity, full-time occupation. And there are literally thousands and thousands of husbands and wives who have busily engaged in it all over the country. Hiding from God behind your wife.
And my thought in mind at this point is this. When God gets a little too close to us, when His word begins to make us a little uncomfortable in our hearts and in our consciences, one of the easiest places to hide is not in the shrubs and bushes outside our home. Or not even in one of the darkest closets in our house. One of the easiest places to hide is behind our spouse.
Can you imagine a marital counseling session that goes like this? Here's a husband and wife who are having real trouble. And they're sitting in the office of the marriage counselor. And the husband says, “Before we start, Mr. Counselor, I want to list my faults as a husband.” And he lists his faults as a husband, never says one word of criticism about his wife.
And then the wife says, “Before we start, Mr. Counselor, I would like to tell you my faults as a wife.” And she lists all her faults as a wife, never criticizes her husband at all.
And the counselor says, “Session over. Go home, and work on your faults.”
Are there any of you who think there is any such thing as a marriage counseling session that occurs like that in our day and time? If you do, you are not living on the same planet that I'm living on.
Let me tell you what many marriage counseling sessions are like. They are like a slash and burn operation. Slash and burn.
The husband says, “My wife does this, and she says this, and she has this attitude.” And the wife says, “My husband does this, and he says this, and he has this attitude.” And the counselor's there saying, “What a mess. What a horrendous mess. Where do I start?”
Well, maybe you want to say to me, “Zane, you don't understand. I never blame my wife for my faults. I always blame her for hers.” Or the wife says, “I never blame my husband for my faults. I always blame him for his.”
Really? Really?
Let me give you a little test. I call this test “complete the sentence.” For the men at the table, the sentence starts this way: If it were not for my wife, I would . . . .
And for the ladies at the table, the sentence starts this way: If it were not for my husband, I would . . . .
And now you have a lot of options to fill in the blanks with. “If it were not for my wife or husband, I would be more dedicated to God.” “If it were not for my wife or husband, I would come to church more often than I do.” “If it were not for my wife or my husband, I would read my Bible more often, and I would pray harder.” “If it were not for my wife or my husband, I would be more involved with the church and I would be serving the Lord more than I am.”
And your options are almost endless.
Now folks, you don't have to say those words to God. If you say them in your heart, if you think them in your heart, you are hiding behind your spouse. You are hiding behind your spouse.
First and foremost, each and every one of us must come to God and fully accept the responsibility for our failures and our sins. And then, as needed, we need to accept them in the presence of our spouse.
Isn't it too bad, only really too bad, that Eve didn't have equal opportunity to blame her husband on this occasion? I mean, when God says to her, “What is this that you have done?” what can she possibly say about her husband? He has never displeased her from the day she was created. And even on this very day he has pleased her by eating of the fruit that she herself has eaten of.
And it wouldn't have been in any way credible for her to pass any blame on to her husband. So she falls back on the excuse of the last resort, the last desperate effort to avoid responsibility. And she says, “The devil made me do it. The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
May I suggest to you that one of the reasons that we find it so easy to blame a husband or wife and hide behind them instead of accept our faults is because more often than not we can make a good case out of it. We can make it sound very plausible. “You know, my husband does this so, how can you blame me for it?” Or, “You know, my wife, she's like this, and how can you blame me for it?”
But this story shows us that even when we can't hide behind our spouses, if we are determined to hide, we'll find something to hide from, something to hide behind. “If you only understood the kind of home I grew up in...” “If you only understood the kind of environment that I work in...” “If you only understood the problems that I have...” And failing all else, “The devil made me do it.”
As long as we are determined to hide from God, our spouses are only a convenient hiding place when we can make it sound plausible.
Did it ever occur to you that after this incident was over, there should have been some apologies exchanged between Adam and Eve? Adam should and could have said to his wife, “Eve, I'm so ashamed that God confronted me with my sin and I tried to blame you. And I should never have done that. I'm sorry. It was wrong for me to try to blame you.”
And Eve could and should have said, “Adam, I was stupid enough to believe the lie of the devil, and I ate of that fruit. And then I made it even worse by coming to you and trying to drag you down with me. I'm sorry. I apologize for that.”
Did Adam and Eve ever have a conversation like that? I don't know. But the only relevant question is, “Do you ever have a conversation like that with your spouse, with your husband or with your wife?”
Now you may wonder how Zane knows about this, and I'd like to tell you. But let me tell you how apologies often go inside a marriage: “Honey, I realize that it wasn't all your fault. I made some mistakes, too.”
Notice those magical three-letter words “all” and “too.” And the free interpretation of that is, “Some of it really is your fault, you know. And I'm certainly not the only one who made mistakes.”
And then that wonderful fabric softener called “mistake” -- not “sin,” mind you, not “evil,” “wicked” or “wrong.” “I made a mistake.”
Now folks that's not the way we go to God and talk to God is it? I hope not. I hope you don't go to God and say, “Lord, I made a mistake.” You're supposed to say, “Lord, I have sinned.”
And then God doesn't say to you, “I'm going to give fifty percent of the responsibility for your sin to you, and fifty percent to your wife,” or vice versa. God does not split the difference between us like we often try to split the difference, right?
I am one hundred percent responsible for my sin, and you are one hundred percent responsible for yours. The husband is a hundred percent responsible for what he does wrong, no matter what his wife has said or done. And the wife is a hundred percent responsible for what she's done, no matter what her husband has said or done.
So here's how an apology ought to work: “Honey, what I said was wrong. What I did was wrong. The attitude I took was wrong. I am sorry, and I apologize for that.”
Are any of you making an apology like that to the partner that you've married? And if you never have an occasion to make that kind of apology to your partner, allow me to suspect that you're not just hiding from your partner. You're probably hiding from God. And you are refusing to acknowledge before God the complete responsibility that you have for what you have done wrong.
To put it another way, if you're trying to avoid responsibility by hiding behind your spouse, you are still engaged in the childhood game of hide and seek.