Transcript
In your Bibles will you turn with me to the book of First Corinthians chapter 6. Not Luke as you might have been expecting. But First Corinthians chapter 6. First Corinthians chapter 6. And we’re going to begin reading at verse 18.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.
Just last month a very shocking thing happened in New Milford, Connecticut. New Milford, Connecticut, is a neat, well-groomed suburban community with a population of twenty-three thousand people. In early June, during a five-day period, eight different girls were brought to the New Milford Hospital after what hospital authorities described as suicidal gestures. All of these girls were between the ages of twelve and seventeen.
They had tried various methods. They had tried a heavy dose of alcohol. They had tried over-the-counter medicines. They had tried cutting or scratching their wrists. Now none of the incidents were fatal. Most of the cases did not even require hospitalization, although two of them, according to hospital authorities, might have been fatal.
The reasons for the suicide attempts seemed as ordinary as everyday life in New Milford. One teenage girl said, “I was just sick of it all. Everything. Life.” Now these eight cases stunned New Milford. But they had an even deeper impact because in the preceding few months before this last month of June there had been six other teenage suicide attempts.
Dr. Simon Sobo, who is head of psychiatry at the New Milford Hospital, said there have been more teenage suicide attempts this spring than in my thirteen years here in the city. And he also said this is a crisis that has clearly gotten out of hand. One of the striking things was, according to Dr. Sobo, that the teenage girls that he treated did not have serious problems at home or at school. Many of them were popular girls. All of them seemed to be getting enough love in their homes. And yet beneath this comforting surface there was obviously pain and despair.
One seventeen-year-old girl said this. She said, “You would be surprised how many kids try suicide. You don’t want to put pain on other people, so you put your pain on yourself.” And she admitted that she used to cut herself just to relieve the pain. In one of the New Milford classrooms in one of their schools there stands a globe of the world. And on this globe of the world some student has scratched the following words: “Hell is New Milford.”
One fifteen-year-old girl in New Milford said, “We are not Generation X. We are generation depressed.” Now Dr. Sobo pointed out that what is happening in New Milford is not unique to New Milford. That you could find the same culture of despair in almost any town that you wish to go to. And it is widely recognized by the media today that one of the major problems in America is teenage suicide.
And according to Dr. Sobo teenage suicide can become a contagion. And if that is true New Milford has the bug and it has it very bad. Now I want to confess to all of you up front this morning that your preacher does not claim to be an expert on teenage suicide. But I am pretty well persuaded that one of the sources of teenage suicide is the fact that we live in a culture and in a society where sex has been divorced from love and from lifelong commitment.
Will you permit me to say that again? We live in a society where sex has been divorced from love and lifelong commitment. And some of our teenagers find out very, very quickly that sex outside of love and commitment is empty and unfulfilling. And some of them are there to wonder what life really has to hold for them.
And because this issue is a very important issue in our day and time I want to confront everybody in the audience this morning with a question that is very important for you and one that is very important for your children. And the question is this: How committed are you? And naturally that question also becomes the title of my message to you today: How committed are you?
Now I’m going to confess right up front that this morning I’m going to climb out on a very, very long limb. And I hope it doesn’t collapse from my extra weight. Because you see this morning I want to take a survey by asking each of you freely, direct, and personal questions. Well I wouldn’t even dare to ask you to answer these questions out loud or even to raise your hand. These are questions that I want to have you answering in the quiet of your own heart.
But even though I’m not going to be asking for responses that are public some of you are not going to like what I’m going to say this morning. Okay, let’s get that out up front. Some of you are not going to like it. And I’m sorry. I’m not going to apologize to anybody for it. The sermon that I’m preaching this morning is probably a sermon I should have preached twenty years ago. It’s too late to go back and do it. But at least better late than never.
So I want you to understand right up front that I realize that what I’m going to say this morning is sensitive, direct, and personal. So are you ready? Are you ready for question number one? Question number one is this: Is it ever right to have sex outside of marriage? Is it ever right to have sex outside of marriage? And if you said yes or if you said sometimes give yourself a big, tall, red-letter F. You flunked that question.
You see in the passage of Scripture that we have read this morning the Apostle Paul is writing to the Christians at the city of Corinth. And in the very first verse that we have read he says flee sexual immorality. And the Greek word that is translated by the phrase sexual immorality is a word that referred to almost any kind of sexual activity that took place outside of marriage. And Paul says flee that.
And then he points out that every sin which a man commits is outside his body. But he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Do you realize that when a person steals something that’s an action that occurs outside their body? Even if a person murders someone else that’s an action that occurs outside of that physical body. Even when we speak dirty and sinful words those words come out of our mouth and they hurt other people more than they hurt us.
But when we take that beautiful desire that God has put inside of each and every one of us, that desire and that drive that leads to the production of life, when we take that beautiful desire and use it contrary to the will of God, when we distort it and pervert it and misuse it, we’re not only sinning against our sexual partner. We are sinning against these bodies of ours. We are sinning against our very natures, our physical people. We are sinning against what we are as bearers of life itself.
And if there’s one thing that God is obviously trying to get over to America in the 1990s it is that this is true. That we sin against our own bodies. Have you ever stopped to think that there’s no disease going around among thieves and there’s no disease going around among murderers or people who curse and swear? But there are diseases going around among those who misuse their sexual drive and commit sin in the presence of God. You better believe it.
And more than one, all the way from herpes to the deadly plague called AIDS. Make no mistake about it, folks. When we have sex outside of marriage we sin against God. We sin against our partner. And we sin against our own body.
On June the 29th Lana Turner, the famous movie actress, died at the age of seventy-five in Century City, California. She died of throat cancer. Some of us belong to a generation that grew up when Lana Turner was at the height of her glamorous career. There is a story that may or may not be true where Lana Turner was discovered when she was a teenage girl sitting at a soda fountain in Schwab’s drugstore sipping a soda. Whether that’s true or not she rapidly rose to the top and became one of Hollywood’s glamour queens.
And because she was an exceptionally beautiful woman she became one of the most glamorous of Hollywood’s glamour queens. But there was another side to Lana Turner’s life. Did you realize that Lana Turner was married seven times? And as she moved from man to man the terrible tragedy entered her life. A daughter of hers in 1958 by the name of Cheryl shot and killed Lana Turner’s mobster boyfriend, a man by the name of Johnny Stompanato.
So you see Lana Turner climbed the stairs to Hollywood stardom. But she also descended the staircase into Hollywood immorality. And I want to warn you this morning that everyone who follows in the lifestyle steps of people like Lana Turner, everyone like that is inviting tragedy into their lives. Oh the tragedy may be in terms of broken homes and dysfunctional children. The tragedy may be in terms of sexual disease leading to death. Or the tragedy may be in terms of emptiness and boredom and suicide.
Flee, says the Apostle Paul. Run, run, run. So there’s four ways you can get from sexual immorality. Are you ready for the second question? If the first question was is it ever right to have sex outside of marriage, the second question is tougher. If you’re feeling fine, is it ever right to refuse sex to your partner in marriage? But if you’re not sick, is it ever right to refuse sex to your partner in marriage? And if you answered that question yes give yourself a great big, bold, red-letter F.
You see in chapter 7 of First Corinthians Paul starts out by saying it is good for a man not to touch a woman. He obviously means it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. Those of us who are single must follow that prescription. But Paul is a realist. And Paul realizes that most people cannot live a single life. And so he goes on in verse two to say but because of sexual immorality let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband.
I recognize that there is a danger of sexual immorality in trying to live a single life. So therefore I advise generally that men and women be married. And it is right here, my friends, that we come to one of the most overlooked, one of the most widely neglected commands in the Word of God. Paul goes on to say let the husband render to his wife the affection due her. He’s not just simply talking about a kiss on the cheek, as the context makes clear. And likewise also the wife to her husband.
And then he says in the next verse the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Are you all awake? I’m going to tell you something. This is a bachelor sitting up here. I’m going to tell you something you may not have known when you got married. When you got married you gave up the right to refuse sex to your partner in marriage. You gave up authority over your own body.
Now if you don’t like that your quarrel is not with me. Your quarrel is with God. A man does not have authority over his own body in this matter. But the wife does not have authority over her own body in this matter. But the husband does. But Paul says I’m going to make the concession. He says do not deprive one another. The word deprive is very strong. Don’t rob each other unless it is by consent for a time so that you may give yourselves to prayer and to fasting. But after that come together again lest Satan tempt you for your lack of self-control. But I say this by way of concession and not by way of commandment.
You are committed, says Paul. I don’t command it but I allow you to do it. You are permitted, when you can agree on it, to abstain from the sexual relationship in your marriage for a brief period of time so that you may give yourselves to prayer and to fasting. But after that period is over come together again lest Satan use this situation to tempt you to sin.
Now please, please, please, please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying this morning. I’m not trying to turn the husband or the wife either into a little tyrant on this matter. So that the husband or the wife says I demand that you do it tonight. Every wise, loving husband and wife has a great sensitivity toward the situation, the feelings, the emotions of their partner. And especially the men. If they’re obeying the Bible. You men, you see the Bible commands men to live with their wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, lest your prayers be hindered.
This is not an invitation to the man to ride roughshod over his wife. Because if you do your prayer is going to probably bounce off the ceiling and land flat on the floor. Let me put it to you instead in another way. Suppose I were to come to your house as your pastor and I were to get both of you aside together. And I was to say to you when was the last time you had sex? Now I’m not going to come to your house and do that so please don’t worry about it, okay?
But suppose I said to you when was the last time you had sex with each other? And if you said to me it’s been six weeks or six months or a year, don’t kid yourself. There are some marriages that haven’t had it for much, much, much, much, much longer than that. You know what I’d say to you? Have you been sick over the past six weeks? Something wrong with you physically? And they just said to me no, nothing wrong. I would then say to you there’s something wrong with your marriage. And that’s obvious. There is something wrong with your marriage. You are not rendering to each other what God commands husband and wife to render to one another.
James and Mary Grady of Illinois were very much opposed to divorce. And they wanted to make a protest against the rising number of divorces in American society. You know what they did? They married each other again and again and again and again. I’m not kidding you. Between 1964 and 1969 they married each other publicly twenty-seven times. They married each other in twenty-five different states. On one occasion they married each other three times on the same day. And on another occasion they married each other two times in a single hour. And they married each other twice on television.
Now folks that’s kind of far out, don’t you agree? I’m not advising that. Not advising that at all. But if you study the Bible very closely you will find that the sexual relationship is at the very heart of the marital relationship. And there is a sense in which whenever husband and wife engage in this marital experience they are renewing their love to each other. They are renewing their lifelong commitment to each other. This is a way of reaffirming on a regular basis your love, your commitment, and your devotion. That’s the way sex ought to be.
I want to tell you something. I grew up in my parents’ house and my parents were a lot slicker than I was. And I never once did figure out when or how often they had the sexual relationship. But you know something? I knew it was all right. They were doing fine. They lived together for sixty-six years. And at the end of their marriage they loved each other as much if not more than at the beginning.
And of course your children don’t need to see this but they will see its fruits. Whether for good or for bad. And if you and your wife are not sexually adjusted the fruits of that are probably going to appear in terms of friction, tension, and anger. So let me put it as frankly as I know how. To me sex outside of marriage but inside of marriage, do it as your privilege and your duty. How are you doing?
What happened? You ready for the third one? Here’s the third one. Is it ever right to say that sex is always sinful? Is it ever right to say that sex is always sinful? If you said yes to that give yourself a great big, tall, red-letter F.
Did you notice that between Paul’s command to flee sexual immorality and his command to husbands and wives to be involved with each other, that between these two points of instruction there are nice and very important words which are found in chapter 6 verses 19 and 20? He says do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own? You are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
Why do you flee sexual immorality? The reason is the Holy Spirit lives in your body and your body belongs to God at the tremendous cost of the blood of His Son. Now listen up everybody. Why do husbands and wives engage in sexual activity within the marriage? The reason is exactly the same. Because your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and your body belongs to God. And God tells you to do this. And He would never tell you to do anything that was sinful.
Many years ago when we were still meeting down on Hickory and Arlene Street I was talking to a young man who lived in the neighborhood. And I remember I think that the context of our conversation was a request that he was making for me to marry him and his girlfriend. And during the course of the conversation he made this sweeping remark. He wasn’t just talking about immorality. He made this sweeping remark. He said to me, “I know that sex is always sinful. I know that sex is always sinful.”
Isn’t that ridiculous? Not only ridiculous, folks. It’s an insult to the Creator. It is the Creator who gave us our bodies. It is the Creator who gave us our sex drives. It is the Creator who wants us to use that within marriage as an expression of love and commitment and as a means of bringing forth children. It is absurd to say that sex is always sinful.
So what’s the bottom line? Very simple. Flee sexual immorality. But embrace sex and thank God for it within your marriage. There was a grandmother one time who was being honored on the occasion of her golden wedding anniversary. And during the course of the festivities she decided to tell the assembled guests the secret of her happy and successful marriage. And this is what she said.
She said on my wedding day I made up my mind to make a list of ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook. As the guests were leaving a young woman who was having trouble in her marriage came up to the grandmother. And she said tell me some of the faults that you had on your list. And this is what the grandmother replied. She said to tell you the truth, my dear, I never really got around to writing it out. But every time my husband did something that made me hopping mad I would always say to myself, “Lucky for him. That’s one of the ten.”
And I say lucky for him that he had a wife who was so committed to him that she could look through his faults for sixty years. Folks you ought to try commitment. For out of true commitment can come true love. And out of true love can come true happiness. And even if you were the only party in your marriage who loves the way God tells us to love, your marriage is a smashing success. Because you have glorified God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
So the bottom line remains unchanged. The final question remains the same. How committed are you?
Shall we pray? Thank You for Your Word which is a light unto our feet and a lamp unto our pathway in this delicate and important subject that we’ve discussed this morning. Help us each to walk in Your paths for Your glory. We pray it in Christ’s name. Amen.