Do It Right, Dad (Judges 1:11–15)

The book of Judges chapter 1, beginning to read at verse 11.

Judges chapter 1 and verse 11:

From there they went against the inhabitants of Debir. The name of Debir was formerly Kirjath Sepher.

Then Caleb said, He who attacks Kirjath Sepher and takes it, to him I will give my daughter Achsah as wife.

And Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb’s younger brother, took it. So he gave him his daughter Achsah as wife.

Now it happened when she came to him, that she urged him to ask her father for a field. And she dismounted from her donkey, and Caleb said to her, What do you wish?

So she said to him, Give me a blessing. Since you have given me land in the South, give me also springs of water.

Then Caleb gave her the upper springs and the lower springs.

Samuel Walker lives in Missouri City, Texas. Very late last year on a Monday morning, December the 11th, he was at work. And it was there that he received a call from an alarm company informing him that the security alarm in his house had been tripped.

Now Sam Walker lives in a two-story house in a quiet cul-de-sac in Missouri City, which is actually a suburb of the city of Houston. At that time his house was decorated with Christmas lights. The police were also notified. They went to the house, but they left after finding no doors or windows open.

About thirty minutes later Sam Walker arrived at the house. And he was alarmed to find that the front door was unlocked. He called his wife on his cellular phone and he kept her on the line as he proceeded to their bedroom and appropriated the .38 caliber pistol that he owned. He had just recently bought that pistol at the urging of friends and because of the frequent break-ins that had occurred in that neighborhood.

Then keeping his wife on the cellular phone, he began a room-by-room search of the house. It brought him eventually to the room of his sixteen-year-old granddaughter, stepdaughter named Sheree. He entered her room. He approached the closet. When he opened the closet door he saw a person and he saw movement. And instinctively he raised his gun and fired.

Then he realized his horrible mistake. And with his wife still on the cellular phone he exclaimed something like, My God, I’ve shot Sheree. He never expected Sheree to be home on a school day, but it just simply happened that on that particular day she was playing hooky.

The bullet struck her in her chest. And when she was taken to the hospital she was pronounced dead on arrival.

By a very weird coincidence the shooting of Sheree occurred just exactly a week after a similar shooting in Saginaw, Texas. As you know Saginaw is a suburb of Fort Worth. And in that city a man by the name of James Hegwood had shot his daughter Sharon, fifteen years of age, because he had mistaken her for a prowler. The day after the death of Sheree, Sharon Hegwood was still in critical condition in a hospital in Fort Worth.

Two fathers, two handguns, a daughter seriously wounded and a stepdaughter shot dead.

Now I wish that I could tell you this morning that if you are a father of a daughter, the only way that you could accidentally injure your daughter is to have an accident with a handgun or some other physical implement. But if I told you that it wouldn’t be true, would it?

Because you see all over America today there are literally thousands of fathers, and some of them are Christian fathers, and they don’t even own a handgun. And yet they have seriously hurt, they have seriously wounded the daughters and stepdaughters that they have.

And one of the facts that is coming to the attention of America in the 1990s is the very solemn realization that fathers have a very significant and utterly indispensable role to play in the rearing of children. And because that is true, that brings us this morning to one of the hot-button topics of the 1990s, which is the subject of family values. Family values.

And I want to talk to you for a few minutes about that subject. And I want to leave behind this very simple and straightforward exhortation. The exhortation is this: Do it right, Dad. And that exhortation just simply happens to be the title of my message to you this morning. Do it right, Dad.

Now I’m going to share with you this morning one of my very minor pet peeves. It seems to me that there are a number of business establishments which I go to that I wait a little bit more, a little bit longer in line than I used to wait some years ago. And the reason for that is fairly simple.

You see it often happens that the people who are ahead of me in the line, after they have made all their purchases, so it seems to me, decide that they’re going to ask the clerk behind the counter for a ticket for the Texas Lotto lottery. And of course that takes a few minutes more. And if I put together all of the minutes that I have stood in line behind somebody who is buying a Lotto ticket, I think it would add up to quite a few minutes.

And maybe, I guess I ought to confess this, maybe the reason it bothers me is that I know I just simply could not possibly play the Texas Lotto. Because you see after six decades of life, to the very best of my recollection, I have never, never, never won a game or contest that was decided by luck. If the game or the contest involves luck, then put me down right up front as a loser. The lottery is definitely not for me.

And you know upon first reading of the passage that is before us this morning, I think I might be a little puzzled and you might be a little puzzled. I mean we might be tempted to ask, What’s going on here? Is this a lottery? Is this a raffle? Is this an auction?

Listen to what this man Caleb says. Caleb says, He who attacks Kirjath Sepher and takes it, to him I will give my daughter Achsah as a wife. Now there’s a winning ticket for you, don’t you agree? The winner of this particular challenge will get a wife.

Now please remember that at this point in the book of Judges we have been reading about a very successful military campaign carried out by the tribe of Judah in association with the tribe of Simeon. And under the good hand of God they have proceeded from one victory to another, defeating the Canaanites and taking possession of the land that God had brought the children of Israel into, in which He had promised to them if they would only take it with His assistance.

And now these victorious armies have come to a city named Debir, which used to be called Kirjath Sepher. And before any attack is made here stands Caleb up. And he says, Whoever leads this attack, if the attack is successful and the city of Kirjath Sepher is captured, I want that guy to be my son-in-law. That’s the man to whom I will give my daughter Achsah for a wife.

Now I suspect that if I’m talking to any fathers in the audience who are fathers of daughters that you might possibly be thinking, Boy, do I wish that it worked that way now. I mean I would really love to choose the guy that my daughter or my daughters are going to marry. You know it doesn’t happen that way these days, does it? It used to be the privilege of the parents to do it. But not anymore.

How often it happens now that your daughter brings home a guy and she says to you parents, This is the fellow I want to marry. And the parents can barely manage a smile. And they say to themselves, Why in the world would she want to marry a guy like that? I could have done a lot better job picking him myself.

Well suppose you did have that opportunity, folks. Suppose you did. Suppose you could choose the guy who would marry your daughter. What kind of a guy would you choose?

You know in this regard lots of Christians have what I call tunnel vision. All they can think of is that they would like somebody to marry their daughter who can earn a decent living and take care of their daughter and of the family that they have and treat her nice and come home to her at night. And if that’s what he’s able to do these Christian parents are satisfied. That’s enough for them.

But listen folks, that isn’t enough. That isn’t enough at all. Do you realize what kind of a son-in-law Caleb wanted for his daughter? Remember that Caleb was one of the original twelve spies when the children of Israel had come to the very borders of the land of Canaan. Moses had sent twelve spies into the land to size the land up and to see how strong the inhabitants of the land were.

You remember the story. Ten of those spies came back and said, It’s a great land. It’s flowing with milk and honey. But the cities are heavily fortified and some of the soldiers are giants. And there’s no way in the world that we can go into that land and capture it. We have to give it up.

But two of the twelve spies, one of them was Joshua and the other was this man Caleb, two of them said, No, no, no. God can go in there with us. God can lead us to victory over our enemies. God can keep His promise and He can fulfill His word and give us the land.

And don’t you see folks that Caleb was a man of courage and faith? And that was exactly the kind of man he wanted to marry his daughter. He wanted his daughter to be married to a man who had the courage to believe that God would be with him and that he could fight God’s battles and he could take possession of the territory that God had promised. He wanted a man of God, a soldier of the Lord to marry his daughter.

And guess what? He got one. The guy that led the attack was a fellow named Othniel. You will be interested to know that his name in Hebrew means Lion of God. What a good name. And he not only captured Kirjath Sepher, folks, but listen to this. He became the first of the judges as we shall see later in this book. And he delivered the nation of Israel as a leader from the dominion of a foreign king.

Caleb got the kind of man he wanted for his daughter. He got a man with courage and faith who could fight for God.

Tell me Christian fathers, when you really stop and think about it, is that what you want for your daughter? Now I think I could hear somebody saying to me, Sure that’s what I want. Of course that’s what I want. Well what can I do about it? We’ve just said that the culture doesn’t give the dad the right to choose the husband anymore. I have to accept whoever she brings home. There’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing.

Are you sure of that? Whatever happened to prayer? What has happened to the power of God?

You know I was told something years ago that I’ve never forgotten. I’ve forgotten who told it to me. I’ve even forgotten where it was. But he told me this. He was a father. And this is what he told me. He said, You know as soon as my children were born I began to pray for them. And he told me that he had prayed that they might be saved, that they might come to personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and receive from Him the free gift of eternal life.

But he told me that he also had prayed from the very time of their birth for their marriage partners. And he prayed that God would lead them to good Christian partners in marriage. And I admit that my memory is a little fuzzy here. But my recollection seems to tell me that some or all of his children were grown and that God had answered his prayers.

You know what I don’t understand though? I admit that I’m a bachelor so what do I know? What do I know about rearing children? But here’s what I don’t understand. I understand how a parent can realize that God has given to them a precious little baby boy or girl, a wonderful gift from God. And I understand how that parent can really want to get down on their knees every single day of their life and pray not only that their child will be saved but that they will have a good Christian dedicated husband or wife.

I don’t understand the reason why some parents don’t do this. And if any of you know a good reason why they don’t, would you meet me after the service through the medium of the foyer and please explain it to me? Because I don’t get it. I don’t get it.

It would seem to me that prayer for our children is as important as putting food on the table for them, as putting clothes on their back. And it’s something we should do every single day that we have them in our home and every single day after they leave our home.

There was an Arab sheik one time who was the father of a daughter. And he was also kind of a religious fanatic. And he became convinced that the god that he worshiped (I don’t know whether it was Allah or some other god) had commanded him to bury his daughter alive as a sacrifice to his god.

And so he informed his daughter that that’s what his god had wanted him to do. And as the submissive spirit was in those days and that culture the daughter agreed to become a sacrifice. So the father went out and he dug the pit, the grave with his own hands. And he picked his daughter up preparing to put her in the grave and cover her with mud and dirt and bury her alive.

But as he picked her up his daughter noticed a wet piece of mud on the Arab’s long beard. Now apparently Arabs are very proud of their long beards. And as a final act of affection for her dad she picked that piece of mud out of his beard. Her action so touched her father that he changed his mind. Fanatic though he was, he took his daughter home. And whether his god liked it or not he did not offer her as a sacrifice.

Has it ever occurred to you that as your children are growing toward maturity they are in danger of being buried alive? They are in danger of being buried under the mud, the dirt, the filth, the sin, the nakedness, the temptation, the corruption of this world. And if you don’t pray for them regularly, daily, that’s what may actually happen.

And there’s no way to get the job done, folks, than to pray.

So folks, dads do it right. Moms do it right. Dad and mom, please do it right.

I really don’t know whether you want to call this a lottery, an auction or a raffle. But whatever you call it, it was a real good deal for Achsah. And I want to point out something to you. I can’t tell you at all whether Achsah was pretty. I can’t tell you whether she was beautiful or homely. And if they had had a Miss Judah of 1035 B.C. contest back there I don’t know whether she could have entered it. And if she had entered it I don’t know whether she could have won.

But I am telling you this. Not only did Achsah get a good husband, but she got a good wife? No. She was a good wife.

You see it was custom in those days when the father married off his daughter to give what was sometimes even in our culture called a dowry. That was a gift he gave to the son-in-law or to the son-in-law’s family. And apparently on the day that Achsah was to be married to Othniel the gift had not yet been decided upon.

And so when she came to Othniel she urged Othniel to ask for a special kind of gift. Would you notice what she said? She says, Now Othniel look, my dad has been very successful in battle and he’s collected a lot of loot. I mean he’s collected a lot of spoil from the Canaanites. And he’s got silver and gold coins and he’s got jewels and diamonds and he’s got stuff you wouldn’t believe he has. Just ask him for a big old treasure chest of gold and silver and jewels and we’ll be on easy street financially for many years to come.

What’s that you say? You don’t find that in your Bible? Well what do you know? It’s not there is it?

And the Bible says to us that when she came to him she urged him to ask her father for a field. And apparently Caleb gave that field to Othniel. But then Achsah gets off of her donkey, maybe to say goodbye to her dad. And I like to imagine as she looked up into her dad’s eyes that her dad saw an expression on her face that he recognized as something that he had seen years and years and years, many many times before.

And so he says to Achsah (you noticed it in the text), he says to Achsah, What do you wish, honey? I know that you want something. I can tell it in your eyes. Tell me what you want.

So Achsah said, Well you’ve given me land in the South. But give me also springs of water. And the Bible says that Caleb gave her the upper and the lower springs.

Now listen to me folks. By making this request, not only urging her husband to ask for the field but asking her dad for the water, Achsah gets a four-star rating from me. A four-star rating as a potential excellent wife.

Do you remember that wonderful passage at the end of the book of Proverbs that is talking about the excellent wife? The Proverbs writer says we can find a virtuous woman whose price is far above rubies. And then the writer begins to describe all of the work that this woman does for her husband and for her household.

And among the other things that she does, she seeks wool and flax and works willingly with her hands. She considers a field and buys it. Her lamp does not go out at night. And her hands handle the distaff and her hand holds the spindle.

And after describing all of the things that she does the writer says this: Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. And her works will praise her in the gates.

My dear friends this morning I think that when Achsah was asking Othniel for this field and then for the waters that her mind is already in high gear. Now this land was in the section of Israel called the Negev. I was fortunate to get to see a little bit of it quite a number of years ago. It’s not good territory for raising crops. The ideal thing to do on the Negev is to raise sheep and goats.

And of course to raise sheep and goats you’re going to have to have water. Without water they’re not going to survive. And Achsah’s mind is already moving ahead to what she and Othniel can do with this field. They can raise sheep and goats. And they can have goat’s milk to drink and they have mutton to eat. They can have wool so that she can make the clothing.

And let me tell you something. Achsah is not thinking of a life where she spends all afternoon in the tent watching her favorite soap operas on TV. Achsah is thinking of her partnership with Othniel, of what they can accomplish together if they have a field with water.

Now folks I’m going to say something that’s not too popular in our day and age. It’s not politically correct. If there are any feminists out there you’re probably going to wish you had a rotten tomato handy that you can toss up here on the platform.

But let me tell you what the Bible says. The Bible says that the man was created first. And it says that the woman was taken out of the side of the man. And she was created to be his companion, his helpmate.

And let me tell you Christian wife, if you’re married, you cannot fulfill the purpose for which God has created you unless you are the kind of companion, helpmate and partner that your husband needs. May I put it to you this way? Wherever your husband’s field is, that’s your field too. And you are partners in whatever God has called your husband to do.

And if you want to serve God as a wife you will be his helpmeet.

Christian parents, because what I’ve said this morning represents your family values? If you have a daughter, would you actually want her to be married to a man like Othniel? If you have a son, would you like your son to be a man like Othniel? If you have a son, would you like your son to marry a woman like Achsah?

Don’t you see that Caleb in bringing these two people together created a marriage and a home that put his own personal values on reproduce? He was a man of courage and faith and that’s what he wanted for his son-in-law. But he was also a doer. When the other spies said we can’t do it he said yes we can.

And he gave in marriage a woman who was a doer who anticipated what she could do as a partner to her husband.

Are those your family values? If they’re not you know what you need to do. You need to go home this morning and you need to spend some serious thought and prayer deciding where your family, where your home and where your children are headed.

There was a stray dog one time that came to the home of a minister who had three sons. They took it in and the sons became very fond of this dog. Then one day there appeared an advertisement in the newspaper. An owner had lost his dog and the dog could be identified because it had three white hairs in its tail.

In the presence of his three sons the minister removed the three white hairs from the tail of the dog. After a while somehow or other the owner found out that his dog had found a new home and he came to the house of the minister to claim it. The dog showed every sign of recognizing his old master. But then the minister spoke up and the minister said, I thought that your advertisement said that your dog had three white hairs in his tail. And obviously this dog doesn’t have those three white hairs in its tail. And because of that the actual owner of the dog was forced to leave. He didn’t make the positive identification that he needed to make.

But many years later, folks, many years later the minister said this. He said, We kept the dog and I lost my three sons for Christ. From that point on his children didn’t believe in what he preached because he didn’t practice what he preached.

And folks when your kids see you lie for them, when they see you defend them when they’re really guilty, when they see you be unfair in your treatment of other people they are going to learn more from that than from all of the sermons that they hear in their lifetime.

Caleb reproduced his own character in his daughter and in the home into which she went as a wife. He must have done something right.

Listen to me. Listen to me. Dads and moms, dad and mom please do it right.

Shall we pray?

Father thank You for this great man of God Caleb, for his brave son-in-law and his hard-working daughter. Help us to learn from their story the lessons You want for us. And we ask it in Christ’s name. Amen.